Now this is interesting, in light of the religious angle of this examination; and specifically the Gerogetown/Exorcist paralles.  Billy Idol looms large in the apartment of Demi Moore's character, Jules.  Why?  He's never mentioned.  It's never inquired of her as to why she went with this elaborate motif in her living room; and he's certainly not on the film's soundtrack.  If we look at the video to his song "Eyes Without a Face," we see the image of his disembodied head floating in the blackness.  It comes toward the camera as he begins to sing.  I couldn't help but think of The Exorcist once again and an image that has come to represent the film in many ways; which is interesting, as it only appears for a fraction of a second in the original cut of the movie.  It's a brief shot of the face of actress/stuntwoman Eileen Dietz, who doubled for Linda Blair in the film for certain scenes; particularly those where Linda was too young to enact what the script called for.  Eileen also did some make-up tests for the face of the demon:

Of course they didn't go with this look; but Friedkin thought the image was so striking, he decided to "subliminally" plant it in Father Karras' dream sequence.  Over the years, this has become known as the face of "Captain Howdy"; Regan's imaginary friend she speaks to through a Ouija board.  I don't know...even knowing who and what it is, it's still super creepy.  But here's Eileen at some length, grimacing in the make-up:

When you think of it more as a Japanese theatrical mask, it makes it a little easier to look at. Maybe.

Or, as Ms. Dietz's actual face, which is quite pretty.

So what does all this have to do with SEF?  Well, how about Demi Moore is the Virgin Mary and Ron the decorator is none other than...Jesus Christ?

Now, actually, I'm not even sure what I mean...so let's figure it out together!

More to come!

Okay Chris, that's a photo of Mr. Pitt from the GQ photo shoot. 
The "Brooney" photo shoot, I'm calling it.
Why?
I decided to give Brad and George one of those mash-up, celebrity couple names, you know; for their bromance.
Why?
I want it to sweep the nation.  Nay, the GLOBE!
Whatevs.  Anyways, I believe they're calling that a "blended name." And I believe it's also a portmanteau word. In any event, I like Brad's purple outfit.
I do too.  To a point.  Sagittarians look awesome in purple.  It's otherwise a really difficult color to--
So, get to the point.
Okay, first of all, we need to talk about GQ magazine and if it has an "agenda" because if it does, they've totally confused me.
Do you read the magazine?
Yes.  More like skim it.  Oh a portmanteau is a kind of suitcase, by the way.

Hey wait a minute.  We're talking about Brad and George here; and GQ!  You can find a better portmanteau than that.
Okay, how about this?

Now that's a suitcase!  I don't even want to ask the price...
Oh, we don't talk about price at GQ anymore.
We don't?
If you  have to ask, you can't afford it.
Then who are these clothes for?  I mean, let's examine Brad's outfit.
The purple one?
Yeah.
It's really more a maroon, don't you--
Whatever. 
Now, that shirt, which let's face it, is a blouse; I , for one love.  I had several like it back in the day; but they're hard to find nowadays.  As a matter of fact, I love that style so much I even have a couple that are actually women's garments; but they fit me, so I wear them.  I guess it's the most masculine, ultra-feminine look there is?
Outside of the puffy shirt.
​Well, yeah.  Not that there's anything wrong with puffy shirts...

The ladies seem to love 'em!  But I do love me a silk blouse.  The one brad is wearing is by Anthony Vaccarello for Yves Saint Laurent.  Remember when they used to tell you the prices of the garments in the fashion spreads?  Well, not any more.  I guess the editors don't want people scoffing/choking/tossing the magazine into the trash when they get a load of the cost.
How much is the shirt?
Guess.
Ah...$350.00?
Higher.
$500.00?
Higher.
$1000.00?
Higher.
Oh, just tell me.
ONE THOUSAND NINE-HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS.  That's, $1,950.00.
Wow.  That shirt would be trash after one night at the disco, which is really the only place you could wear it.
And they say Brad eschews the ole Speedstick.  And bathing all together, I guess.
Well, I'll believe that when I smell it.
Those pants are the bomb.  I love the single, inverted pleat. 
Me too! Also hard to find.  Oh, the pants are twenty-two hundred.  The shoes are around nine hundred and his "belt" is about five hundred. So, all together that one outfit is about fifty-five hundred dollars. Now, can I just add that I think even Brad can't pull off that "belt"?  The scarf/necktie as belt is the proprietary property of Fred Astaire and should remain so.  Also, no man can pull off an ear flower anywhere other than one of the Hawaiian islands.  Maybe Fiji, even.
Who can afford that outfit? I mean, other than Brad Pitt or George Clooney?  Who even reads GQ?  
I used to.  In fact, I started reading it in the late 70's and early 80's when I first was becoming interested in fashion.
Wasn't the magazine kind of...gay, then.
Like super gay!  Super-duper gay even!  It was the era of Bruce Weber and boy do I have a bone to pick with him, so to speak.
Lay it on me Reidy!
The year was 1981ish.  Women were women and had to deal with sexism.  Men were men and didn't.  Not, that is, until this appeared above Times Square:

That's an iconic image in so many ways.  What's your beef, Chris?
My beef is that this image became so ubiquitous in not just gay male circles but all male circles; that it caused men to have, particularly gay men, to live up to some nearly unobtainable "ideal" of male beauty.  "This is what I'm supposed to look like?" I recalled asking myself.  Not only thin, but muscular and Apollolonialy handsome?
Women have had to deal with that shit since the dawn of time.  Try looking like Twiggy.  Or Cindy Crawford. Or Tyra Banks. Or Kate "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" Moss.
No, you're absolutely right.  But this image made it even harder for a man to be gay, even within the gay community.
How?
Well, now he not only had to worry about coming out in a hostile world; but coming out in a community that expected him to look like this and in many ways rejected him if he didn't.  And I have to lay the blame for this at GQ's doorstep. And its wunderkind photographer of the time, Mr. Bruce Weber. And I guess we need to include Calvin Klein as well.
What did Weber do?
I would argue he pushed an aesthetic that was dishonest on a core level.
How so?
Well, first of all, he was extremely coy about his own sexuality.
So?
He was pushing photos of male pulchritude and not being forthright about his own attraction to his subjects; and that he was indeed pushing this propaganda.
Propaganda?
Fashion propaganda.  
How was he being coy?
Oh, I recall at the time whenever he was asked about the homoeroticism of his photos and the unbelievable beauty of his male subjects--the implication being put forth: "Are you into guys, Bruce?"  His response would be vague and he'd mention his wife and the wholesomeness of the straight "boys" and not cop to what he was doing.
What was he doing?
Well, gaysploitation.  He may have invented it.

And I'm sorry; but that stupid, ubiquitous bandana on his head.
You sound mad.  
I am. It points up his dishonesty.  
About what?
Going bald.
Now you're being bitchy.
Am I?
So, show me a "gaysploitative" Bruce Weber photo.
Okay, how about this?

Well that's just three guys in a car...
Is it though?  How about this?

Well, that's simply two bros who like to hang out and strike identical poses--hey, wait a second--are they twin brothers?
Looks like it.
Sure, they're just brothers who like to hang out together; 'cuz, you know, twins.
And wear matching, complementary outfits?
Sure, twins do stuff like that all the time!
When they're in their early 20's?
Well, ah...sure...sure they do!
'Memba this?

Is that Matt Damon?
Indubitably.
He was in the Navy?
Sure.

Okay, maybe dressing Matt Damon like a sailor-boy is a bit on the nose; but that doesn't mean that Mr. Weber--
Turns out, he's been accused of all kinds of sexual misconduct and sued by male models and settled out of court, yada-yada -yada.  So, basically he was creeping and skeezing and sleazing during his Wholesome-All-American-Male Photofests. And I don't have to use the word "allegedly."  
So, you feel this points up a sort of hypocrisy?
Oh, sort of.
What's he photographing now?
Oh, absolutely nothing that could be seen as gaysploitation!

You seem to have a chip on your shoulder re: Bruce W.
You know, if he'd just been honest forty-two years ago and been like, "Yeah, I'm hot for these dudes and want every man in America to look like them, even though they can't--it's all a fantasy..." Maybe I wouldn't.
Getting back to Brad and George.  How is their photo shoot "gaysploitation"?  Maybe it's a good thing, like you seem to think the Grant/Scott pictures were.
Okay, here's the thing.  This is what I have the problem with.  Let's say there's this imaginary line.  Let's call it the "Queerdadero Line."
Meaning...
Meaning, that on one side of the line your playing with being gay.  Being insincere about it.  Exploiting it for whatever reason; be that to shock, to titillate, to push an envelope, because it's a fad... not being honest about what you're up to with your photography...On the other side of the line is being honest about being gay--and I'm talking about gay men here and what they do--depicting gayness without ironic quotes.  It seems to me that Brad and George and Deadpool and Wolverine are coming right up to that line without daring to cross over it--
Why wouldn't they cross over it?
Because then they really would be "gay."  What if instead of just matching turtlenecks and lavendar pajamas and twee teacups, there was a picture of Brad and George in a bed, in their underwear with their arms around one another?
Well, they couldn't do that.  They'd be crossing the Queerdadero Line.  
That's my point. 

And the Deadpool movie is even worse.
Why?
Because they're marketing the film by straddling, if not crossing, the Queerdadero Line and not being honest about it within the story the movie is telling.
Can you elaborate?
Sure.  If you read reviews of the movie, reviewers--mostly male--keep referencing Deadpool/Wade Williams/Ryan Reynolds non-stop stream of verbal "gay panic."
What's "gay panic"?
(SIGHS) Let's ask HAL to define it for us; because I don't feel like it.  Here's the genesis term:

Which kind of makes you wonder why there's no Heterosexual Panic for gays and/or Straight Panic Defense for when we gays are charged with violent crimes against heterosexual individuals for unwanted sexual advances.  But I think we may be straying too far afield.
So, does Deadpool panic gaily?  Does he commit violent crimes against homosexuals?
Well, he's constantly impaling people with knives, swords and adamantium thigh bones; like dozens of them. Often up the butt. And it's pretty violent.  I suppose some of them might be homosexuals.
Is Wolverine a homosexual?
You'd have to ask him.  But he's definitely an interspecies mutantsexual.
Is Deadpool an interspecies mutantsexual?
I'm gonna say yes.  As long as the species/mutant has a vagina.
Chris, I thought we were keeping this "cute."
Okay. As long as the species/mutant has a lady cannoli.
Deadpool kept mentioning "pegging."  What's that?
That's when a male man/mutant allows a lady to do him up his dude-Rolo with a happy-strap-on-ding-dong in order to ring his bell.  I guess Deadpool is into getting his CocoaPuff chuffed that way.
But only if it's female?
Only.
Why wouldn't Deadpool want his chocolate donut glazed by a male?  Because of his gay panic?
You know, I didn't see him panicing so much as enthusiastic, hard-sell hinting.
Why doesn't Wolverine take him up on it, so to speak.
Well, in a way he does.
​He does?!!?

Kinda. Oh, I've also come up with a portmanteau name for Wolverine and Deadpool: Wolverpool.  Or if you prefer, one for Ryan Reynolds and Hugh Jackman: RyJack; as the characters and actors are basically interchangeable in this endeavour.
I think I like "Ryjack."  You know, 'cuz Ryan is so "wry" and Hugh is so...jacked?
Works for me!
Where's their suitcase?
​How 'bout this?

But Hugh is Australian and Ryan is Canadian.
And they're both tourists.  In America!  Get it?
Oh, yeah...sure. That's, ah, really clever.  I wonder why that gorilla is so mad.
Well, look at his living space.  Can you blame him?  But that's another blog. But speaking of pounding things; let's take a look at this clip which I feel is as much a symbolic sex scene as it is an ostensible fight.
You really like that ostensible word.
I do, obstensibly.

So, how is this a sex scene?
Well how many impalements and penetrations do you need?
Is it subconscious on the part of the filmmakers?
What do you think, based on all the double entendre marketing and using "You're The One That I Want" from Grease over it all?
Grease is the word!
TIME FOR A GREASE BREAK!

You know, I think that movie has some of the best visual compositions for the widescreen, ever.
Never mind that.  How is Deadpool and Wolverine's violent fight, "lovemaking," in your opinion?
Well, the motor vehicle is a pretty commonplace (and a common place) for schtupping.  And then there's "make-up" sex. And they keep piercing and piercing one another when they know neither can die; so that would be pointless; but it does give them and excuse for close body contact, bodily fluid exchange, heavy breathing, etc.  That and that Deadpool has been talking nonstop about pegging, cinnamon rings and using Wolverine's helmet wings as knob-slobbing handles.
I think I'm starting to get it.  So the idea is, let's  have Wolverine and Deadpool f*** the shit out of one another but do it with swords and stuff instead of penises and have the copious amounts of blood stand in for...what's the word?  Keep it cute--
Splooge?
Yeah that.  And that way, they don't have to cross the Queerorama line.
Queerdadero.
Whatever.
And using a song from a movie that appeals highly to teenage girls and also the childish use of pre-adolescent romantic expressions, such as the heart with the loved one's initials within renders everything a joke we can all just giggle at, like schoolboys.
And that takes us back to gaysploitation. Although, looking at the scene again, by the end of it, they're like literally talking about f***ing; so the movie gets to have it's cake and eat it too!
Yes!  Time for a cake break!

You know, I think Cake By The Ocean would've been much better over Deadpool and Woverine's fake-f*** scene.  The tempo is better and the song is more open and overtly abput perverse sexual cravings.
I think I read somewhere the original title was "F*** By The Ocean."  And it does include that word.  They didn't let that through on the radio, did they?
I'm thinking it was bleeped, maybe?
Maybe. So, any last thoughts, Chris?
Of course!
Lay 'em on me baby!
Okay, so these Deadpool movies are supposed to be so "cutting edge" with their envelope pushing contents and obscene language and casual violence and ostensible alternative-sexuality-inclusivity; so why didn't we get an actual sex scene between Deadpool and Wolverine?  Like and honest to goodness: oh, we're going there scene where the two dudes get it on; kinda like in CRASH when James Spader goes for it with Elias Koteas.  LIke, no giggling; like, oh, this is really happening and you know what?  It's HOT.

Was that gaysploitation?
That movie was pretty up front about everything it presented; so, no.  And I gotta say, James Spader was/is a pretty fearless actor.
Isn't he from Massachusetts?
Masshole born and raised!
So Chris, how would you write the Wolverine & Deadpool "love" scene.
Well, there are several way you could go, so to speak.
I'm listening...
You could play the gay scene straight.
Wait, what?
That is to say, you could do it honestly and straightforwardly.  They're squabbling and scrapping...they stop to breathe...look into each other's eyes...kiss deeply...profess their true feelings and "make love" in the back of the Honda.  That doesn't exactly fit the tone of this movie though--
No, it doesn't.
And I don't think this movie and its depiction of these characters is worthy of it.  
What else could we do?
A super hard "R" kind of Paul Verhoven type thing that comes as close to porn as possible.
No.  It's Dizzney.  Not gonna happen.
Or, you could make it comedic.  Keep everyone's blades sheathed, so to speak; but they do have sex.
Let's go with that!  Will you write it?
Sure. You know, watching the movie, I was thinking that the Honda Odyssey had to be nothing more than product placement.  I have never known that car to be thought of as lame, goofy, nerdy or comedic; which the movie kept telling me it was.  There is one vehicle, however, that meets all that criteria and then some.  The Pontiac Aztek.  I found a commercial that synchronicitously synched up with what I had in mind.  Let's take a look!

Well now, that was lame!
So, I'm almost finished with what I'm calling The Deadpool & Wolverine Love Scene; but I really want to wrap this up.  And I also have more I want to say about GQ magazine and my Theory of Coats and so on...so I will post the "love scene" in an upcoming blog.  In the meantime, ladies and gentlemen and all, I will post the remainder of the Cary Grant and Randolph Scott "roommate" pictures.  After this word from, Renuzit!

It seems as though every time you think you've found all of these photos, another one pops up...

For further reading on Cary and Randolph and Gay Quarterly--oh, I mean Gentleman's Quarterly; check out the following:www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/cary-grant-randolph-scott-hollywood-story

Also: ​www.gq.com/story/it-all-started-here-the-gay-legacy-of-gq

Please see: Batching It Part 4; Wrap-Up for next installment!

CFR   9/1/24

Well that was certainly not gay, was it?
Wasn't it?
Wait, what?
Kinda gay.
But it's a man.  And that's clearly a woman.  And they're hooking up...by boat.
You mean cruising?
Well, a boat cruise, sure...and what the heck does "batching" mean.  Is that another gay thing?
I don't know; but "cruising" sure is.  Shall I offer my interpretation?
Well, you're going to anyways.  I'm listening.
Let me ask you this.  How many women do you know who would go over to the watercraft of a man they didn't know, lured by signal flags for what the announcer is telling us is basically a "hook-up"?
I don't know, two?  Three?
Not.  But two men might...

Are you implying that the two gentlemen in the above photo are "cruising" and about to have a "hook-up"?
I'm not, but it sure seems as though the photographer is.
If I'm not mistaken, that's George Clooney on the float and Brad Pitt poolside; or is that a fountain?  Or a wading pool? Or, like that big rectangular thing near Lincoln's memorial--
The Reflecting Pool?
I guess so.
But yes, it is Msr.s Clooney and Pitt.
They're a power couple?
Aren't they?
I guess so. Of sorts. Say, did you ever wonder what would happen if you waded into the reflecting pool?
Yes.
Me too!  When I was a kid, we went to Our Nation's Capitol quite a bit and I often was tempted, as any child would be, to jump inot the reflecting pool.  Because, you know, in big cities, people will often do that sort of thing, especially if it's like wicked hot out.  I remember my mom put the kibosh on that idea.  "You don't want to go in there.  It's full of garbage and muck.  You'll get sick!"  Who knew my mom would be so metaphorically prescient about Our Nation's Capitol?* Okay, so back to that commercial.  What's your take?  And is it "gaysploitation"?
You know, that commercial is actually quite fascinating.  It's doing several things at once.  It's appealing to heterosexual folks; both the men who would wear Canoe and the ladies who would more than likely purchase it for them.  But it's also literally signalling gay men as well--I wouldn't say exploiting.  I would say selling to indirectly.
How?
Well, this was a period when the gay male lifestyle was finally coming out of the closet and accepted; and thus seen as lucrative to businesses and advertisers.  Of course until the AIDS backlash a couple of years later.  But you couldn't really show two men about to get it on on the high seas whilst slathered in Canoe.  But you can have a woman stand in for another man.  A man who more than likely would say "Okay!" to an anonymous hook-up on a sail boat.  And kill two birds with one cologne in the process.
But what about Brad and George.  And could you please explain "Batching" to me?  Or do I not want to know?
Okay, let's look at this article that appeared in a movie magazine in the 1930's,,,

Gee, this kind of reminds me of...
This?

Well, I guess now we're going to have to do a comparison between the two photo shoots.  The Grant/Scott shoot had a lot of pics, way more than you would've thought for 1937.  And the Clooney/Pitt shoot also has quite a few.  I'll do a couple of "photo grids"; but in the meantime, let's get back to the Q&A.
VOICE IN MY HEAD
So, I have to admit, Grant and Scott even bear striking physical resemblances to George and Brad.  Do you think whoever "art directed" the GQ shoot and photographed it was aware of the Grant/Scott photos?
Well, how could they not be?  The GQ shoot even has a 30's aesthetic right down to the clothing.  What's your take on that font?
What font?
The font they used to spell out George and Brad's names.
Well it's odd.  Is it supposed to be floating on the ripples?  Actually, it looks more like paint.  Or Elmer's glue.  Or yogurt. Or tapioca pudding. Or--
Or
--keep it cute, Chirs--
Cupid's Toothpaste?

TORI
Chris, I've conferred with my brother and we concur that the "capitol" you want here is "capital."  
CHRIS
Oh, you have a brother?  I didn't know that!
TORI
Yeah, so--
CHRIS
Hi Tori's brother!
TORI
Chris, this is Randy. Randy, Chris.
RANDY
Nice to meet you.
CHRIS
You too.  So, what do you do in life?
TORI
He's a life coach.
CHRIS
Well hello coach!  How do I join the cheerleading squad, wink-wink!
TORI
Chirs, don't be gross.  You're already talking about "Cupid's toothpaste," so...yeah, it's C-A-P-I-T-A-L.
CHRIS
In my defense, you can see how that could get confusing, what with the Capitol building, in the capital city and do you capitalize the "C" in Capitol Building?
RANDY
I can see that. And yes, the "C" is capitalized.
CHRIS
Thanks coach!  Did anyone ever tell you that you look a lot like Andrew McCarthy?
RANDY
Ah, well, uhm--
CHRIS
"What about PROM, Blane?"
TORI
Buh-bye!

Wait! And you also both look a lot like my friend Doug Baker!  

VOICE IN MY HEAD
Chris, you're straying off topic...again.
I know.  I've never been known for my focused train of thought.  So, back to George and Brad and Cary and Randolph. But just one more shot of Coach Spelling!

Day-yumnh!  Is that gaysploitation?
We can only hope!  Let me ask you another question and then we'll look at some more photos.
Shoot!
So, why would George and Brad pose for these photos?  I mean, let's think about it.
Publicity.  They have a new movie coming out they're in together.  And Brad has some racing car movie coming up.
Full disclosure: I didn't read the article.  I was too busy looking at the pictures.  Besides, celebrity interviews always make we want to strangle the person; so if I like them, I won't read it.
Why not?
Well, because if it's not just empty promotion, it's generally evasive non-speak.  And if it's an actor, it's generally about their "process" and I really feel people need to keep their "processes" to themselves; particularly actors.  "Oh, I studied with Stanford at the Actor's blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah--no thank you!"
Even if they're asked?
Yes. And nowadays, if it's none of those things, it's some kind of product pitch.  Like, seriously Felicia, I don't care if your new hair care product is infused with your husband's new vodka line...
I get it.  So, you're saying that if it isn't one of the above mentioned, it's simply self-promotion?  The star is simply promoting themself; to keep their star shining in the Public Eye?
Sure.
And why does every Big-Time-Male-Leading-Man-Movie-Star always want to make a picture about car racing?  They are always the SAME movie.  They can't not be.  And they can't not be boring.  After five minutes of sweet-ass car footage, your mind checks out.  Watching someone drive a car is boring.  I don't care how fast they're going.  But, let's give Brad some free publicity anyways.  I like him. He's a Sag.  And as long as he keeps taking his shirt off in pictures, he's all right with me!

Now, let's go further with those pictures.  The originals of Cary and Randy were in black and white but someone went to the trouble of colorizing them, so we'll use a lot of those!

And these...

Is that it?
No!  I'll post the rest later.
How long did that photo shoot go on?
I don't know.  So, let's ask ourselves why these two posed for this set of photographs.
Publicity again? 
Sure.  Of course.  Cary and Randolph were both contracted to Paramount Studios and Grant had just signed a new contract with Columbia.  Something tells me that Columbia might have been concerned that their new acquisition (who was rapidly becoming, if not already, a SUPERSTAR) was coming off as a little too "single' and this was someone's cockamamie idea to convince people he was just  a footloose and fancy free "bachelor."  Were they a couple?  I don't know; but a picture says a thousand words.  And a couple dozen pictures says...please hold: MATH IN PROGRESS.
They say about 24,000 words.  One word in particular keeps coming through: LOVE.  I mean, what else can account for this one?

Is that real?
It seems to be.  Physically speaking that is.  Like there was a camera, film, two men and film negatives.  I'm gay; but I don't recall ever posing like this with someone who was just a "roommate."  Interestingly, these photos are the opposite of gaysploitation.  These were meant to make the pair come across as "not gay."  I think I read the photgrapher was gay as well.  Were Grant and Scott aware of this?  If they were, it doesn't seem as though they cared very much.

Now, shall we look at the GQ photo shoot?
Sure, but I'm just going to pull a few pics; to give you the gist.
What's the "gist."
The 30's, Matching outfits and "bromance."  And could we please retire that phrase?
Bromance?
Yes.
Why?
​It's reductive.

Chris, I think we've reached the "This is too long for me to finish mark."
That's what she said!
Is there more?
You know it!  I'll meet you in the next blog: Batching It: Part 3 / Brooney vs. Ryjack
Ciao!

CFR   9/4/24

What's wrong with this picture?

(But before we explore that, time for a DISCLAIMER: This blog contains spoilers for the film Deadpool & Wolverine and possible other recent films/TV programs.  It will also contain EXPLICIT LANGUAGE and GRAPHIC SEXUAL CONTENT (maybe) in the spirit of that film.  Let's all get foul mouthed, shall we?)

Or, what's right with this picture?
Or, if you prefer, what's up with this picture?
Or going down in this picture?
Or how about just: what's with this picture?
​Or this one:

I don't know about you; but I'm seeing matching sweaters.  Or rather, contrasting sweaters.  Or maybe, complimentary sweaters.  Did they get to keep them?  Complementing sweaters?  But never mind the sweaters themselves; let's look at the possible reasons behind them.  A fashion shoot.  Sure. That...
But what about this:

And why is this person talking about them in his new movie?

Ryan Reynolds, seen here, preparing to frost his cinnamon ring.

What are you getting at here, Chris.  Are you looking for hidden meanings again?
I wouldn't say it was particularly hidden.  Maybe like the purloined letter.
Is this one of those "gay themed" blogs?
I wouldn't say it was a "theme."
Well what is it then?
I want to talk about this new attitude about gayness in Hollywood and The Media and so on and so forth.
Is it time for a New Attitude break?
Yassssssss Queen!  HIT IT!

That was fun!  Were the 80's really like that?
Kinda sorta but not really; but kinda sorta, yes.  
That doesn't make any sense.
Well neither does this new attitude about gayness; and I'm talking about MEN here--I'm not qualified to talk about the lady lovin' ladies.
And I'm sure they don't want you talking about them.  So what is this "New Attitude" you speak of.
Well, it's kind of hard to put into words.  But I'm calling it "GAYSPLOITATION."
So, you mean like "exploiting gays"?  Isn't that also known as "gay baiting"? A.K.A. "Queer Baiting"?
I guess it's similar, but it's a little more subtle.  A little harder to pin down.  But I think I know it when I feel it.  Not necessarily "see it."
Can you give me some examples that you feel are "Gaysploitation" from recent media.
Sure.  Deadpool & Wolverine, the recent 1.2 BILLION dollar grossing movie.  Here's the poster:

Wow Chris, I have to say that there is something startlingly homoerotic about it, in a very agressive and/or violent way; which sort of cancel one another out; thus, the real meaning.  I count like 8 phallic symbols, what with the two guns and the six metal claws.
You're forgetting Hugh Jackman's nose.
Ah, okay...sure.
So, nine dicks on this one poster.
That's one way to put it. 
Also the sword handle.  And I guess we should include Ryan Reynolds; so that's eleven.  I bet Deadpool would like that number.
Huh?
You better settle in.  This one is going to get involved.
Lay something else on me!
​How about this other poster?

My goodness! "Come Together"?  Why, whatever could they mean?
I think they mean ejaculating.
Oh, as in exclaiming something?  Like: "Hold on Wolverine, I'm right behind you!"
Maybe. But more  like: "Oh f***, I'M COMING!" You know, like at a J/O Party.
What's a "J/O Party?"
It's when a bunch of guys--or two, anyways--get together and masturbate with one another; usually to climax.
Really?  That sounds more like gay porn...
Did you see the movie?
Yes, I did.  It was very...oh, what's the word..."meta."  Yeah, it was that.  That Deadpool fellow kept breaking the fourth wall; and not just, like, winking; but TALKING DIRECTLY TO THE AUDIENCE.
Yeah.  The movie sort of became about that.
What do you mean?
I mean that the star of the movie, Ryan Reynolds, by talking so much to the audience--as himself--made the movie a movie about Ryan Reynolds in a movie about Deadpool.  Deadpool was an afterthought.  Plot was non-existent.  But let's look at more of the marketing of this movie.  Some more posters:

What do you think of this one?
I think that the hand on the right with the yellow glove and the upthrusting blades, looks kind of like, oh, actually, really quite a bit like an erect penis and scrotum.
You mean a stiffy?  A rock hard cock and balls?
Chris!  This is a family blog!
Did you not see the disclaimer at the top?
Oh, okay.  Can I use dirty words too?
Sure, why not?  Deadpool does.  How about this one?

Gee, I don't think you could really interpret this as anything other than...
One dude stroking another dude's dick?
Ah, yes.  However, you're making me feel uncomfortable.
Well, maybe you need to feel uncomfortable.
I certainly don't want a mass entertainment--a superhero movie--making me uncomfortable.  I'm not gay.  Should I feel uncomfortable, I mean about the movie; not your language?
I trying to figure this out myself.
Well, why do you feel uncomfortable?
Let's look at some more posters while I think about it.
Okay.

So, what's your take on this one?
Gee, I suppose the "X" being yellow makes us associate it with the Wolverine figure, who is also wearing yellow and was an "X-Men" man. And Deadpool is straddling the X as though--
As though he was taking Wolverine's big 'ole d--
Chris!  I'm sorry.  You're being too graphic for me!
Okay, how about I use all like, scientific and clinical terms for what I'm describing, vis-a-vis Man on Mutant Man Love?
I would appreciate that.
Are you sure?  Because I think it will make it even more uncomfortable.
Let's try it.
So, Deadpool is doing the splits above a large yellow "X"; as though he was engaging in solo anal penetration; and by proxy, symbolically, that is, receiving Wolverine's engorged phallus, his tumescence, if you will; in an act of symbolic ano-rectal intercourse.  Or, if taken literally, he is being ano-rectally penetrated by the ascender of the letter "X" and well beyond the X-height, since we can assume that Deadpool can accommodate the very largest of X's colonically and also in regards to the sphincter ani externus.
Oh, you mean his cinnamon ring?
I thought we were keeping this clinical.
You were right, it's worse.  How about we split the difference and use cutesy slang?
Works for me.  So, there are even more posters.  Wanna take a look?
Well, we might as go all the way in on this.
You said it, I didn't.

Why is he doing the "Shhhhh" thing?  Do they have a secret?
I think the conspiracy theorists would say "yes" to that one...How about this one?

What's a "Lobezno"?
I guess it's Spanish for "Wolverine."
Like the animal or the character?
I don't know.  But I did look up "LFG" and that means "Let's Fucking Go!" and "SNIKT" is apparently the sound Wolverine's claws make when they appear from his knuckles.
I bet that's also the sound when--
Hey, hold on there Voice In My Head!  Now who's being dirty?
When in the Void...
Now who's being meta?
Next poster.

This one looks as though Deadpool is summoning Woverine into the backseat of a motor vehicle in order to...
Gamarouche?
French polish.  Now this one looks a little fan generated?  Is this one official Dis--err--Marvel?
I don't know; but it seems like whoever it is, they got the memo.
What's next?
This...

Oh, now this one is sweet.  They're in love!
But they're not though.  In fact, Wolverine really seems to hate Deadpool in this.  When he tells him to shut up, he's not kidding around...and I couldn't  tell if it was the character or if it was Hugh Jackman speaking through the character.  Or maybe just speaking.  To Ryan Reynolds.  Because he's playing himself playing Wolverine.
Wow, this is like meta-meta.  Or uber-meta.  Or maybe, infra-meta?  Ultra-meta?
Meh, meta. Metza-meta. And where is Wolverine's right hand in this image?  It seems to disappear.  But logically, it would be exactly positioned above or against Ryan's--oh, I mean, Deadpool's-- pubic symphysis, where the suspensory ligament attaches--
The what now?
It seems that Wolverine may be sapping Ryan's Privates.
Like sapping a maple tree?
Sure. Let's go with that.
How many more of these are there?
You'd be surprised.
I think I've seen enough.
Just one more.  This one from, I think it's Thailand...

What's he holding?
Durian fruit.  
Why?
You tell me Voice.
Ah, well, isn't the term "fruit" a kind of derogatory term for, ah--
Gay men?
Yes?
Well, I know whenever I've been called a "fruit" it felt pretty derogatory.
I don't understand why they're being depicted in a boat full of fruit.
Stinky, strange fruit at that.  What does Nick DiGiovanni have to say?
Who?

Well, isn't he a charmer!  
Yes.  But I worry about these kids attention spans nowadays.
Why?  They sit through three and half hour movies about people wearing capes, firing laser guns and turning into werevampiremutants. And Ian McKellen in a magnetic hat.  I think they're okay. I think. So tell me more about why this gay love story between two attractive Xavengers from The Phantom Zone bothers you so much.  I thought you gays wanted more inclusivity and exposure and mainstream acceptance of your lifestyles and blah blah blah.
Well, we do.  But this is not a gay love story.
But it's full of all this "gay" stuff.  Why isn't it?
I'll get back to that in the next blog, where I'll be discussing another Hollywood power couple's appearance in the pages of GQ magazine.
Oh, does that stand for "Gender Queer"?
I'll have to get back to you on that...

CFR   9/1/24

Hugh know hugh want him!  Time for a Hugh break!

Let's join Hugh for a  Wolvertini (TM/Reg. Pat-Pend)!  No shirts required! You'll need:
1 oz. Sake
1 oz. Limoncello
Whisper of Suntory Whiskey (or preferably, use all Australian brands)
Lace with Yellow Chartreuse
Top with low-cal orange and grapefruit juice (equal parts)
Combine ingredients in a shaker with ice.  Stir violently with a ninjato.  Pour into chilled martini glass.  Garnish with black cherry and lemon aspen. Sprinkle with confectioner's sugar.

Cheers Mate!  Enjoy.

...We'll get back to Hugh, I promise; but let's enjoy our cocktails as we return to It Ends With Us...
Q/11: Would you hire a woman who doesn't like flowers and seems non-committal at best when it comes to being a working gal, as your first and only employee?  One who shows up in a Valentino cocktail dress--sequins yet--for her first day of work.  Wouldn't you wonder if that was a good idea, I mean, if you pretty easily deduced that this woman was in ZERO need of extra money, based on her clothes, $20,000.00 hand bag and general "I'm just doing this 'cuz I'm bored" demeanor?

A/11: You probably wouldn't hire her out of the gate.  And you might even "let her go" when she started showing up at work to do "heavy lifting" in Valentino couture; because SDH.

And speaking of "SDH"; let's talk about "SJH."  What is SJH, Chris, you might ask.  And I will tell you.  SJH is the Hollywood cousin to SDH.  SJH or "Shit Just Happens" is when, during a movie, the character wants something--in this case, Lily wanting a spectacular floral shop with a walk-in cooler in a space that was orginally a restaurant?  Bar?--and after a montage of sweeping the floors and wiping down the counters--her spectacular floral shop just happens.  But what do you mean Chris?  Lily has been planning this for all her life!  What do you mean, it just happens?  And I might say: "Sure.  But when did that walk-in flower cooler happen?  Oh, what flower cooler?  The massive one in the middle of the room that we see Lily walk into to retrieve what must be a bouquet that costs around three grand?  That one?  Yes, that one."
Oh, well, they converted the restaurant's walk-in cooler, that's what they did.
Did they?  They enclosed it in glass walls?  Maybe, but I bet that would've been an incredibly involved, not to mention prohibitively expensive, undertaking, right?
But Lily has more money than Leona Helmsley.
Okay; but maybe we might've been shown at least some workmen or a set of blueprints in the montage?
It's a movie Chris, stop over-thinking it.
That's the point of SJH.  It takes me out of the movie by making me think about it.
Well, that's your problem, pal.
Q/12: Was it me, or was Lily and Atlas' interaction as adults, in Atlas' restaurant (of course he's the owner and chef and not simply a waiter, because he can't be just a waiter; he has to be the owner/chef...because) seem to have been taking  place on another planet in a different Universe because they didn't act remotely the way any Human beings on this planet, in this Universe, would?  So, she hasn't seen him since he was carted off in an ambulance one dark and stormy night?  There was ZERO contact after her dad beat him up.  Zero contact with the boy who took her virginity.  I mean, he never made a follow up call to inquire if he may or may not have been a dad?  I mean, did they use a condom or not?  Condoms do break.  Maybe he figured she'd call him if she'd gotten him pregnant (oh, wait a second...she definitely would've called him if that happened! That's a whole different movie!!!).  He never wrote to her from Iraq or wherever it was he was when he was a Marine?  Lily never got curious (or vice-versa) about what became of Atlas and did a quick online search which probably would've taken minutes, if not seconds to find out what he was up to, knowing where he was from and that he planned on going into the Marines?
A/12:
She would've know exactly where he was and what he was doing, even if she never contacted him. Because, girls.

That last one is a computer's idea of "Atlas."  Did it think he was a blacksmith?

Q/13:How many Marines, the kind who would get a Globe and Anchor tattoo, do you think became chefs?  Chefs good enough to open restaurants that get on magazine "Best Of" lists pretty much the day they open?  Chefs who probably had to train at fancy-schmancy culinary schools like the dude on The Bear, who is covered in tattoos.
A/13: At the risk of "Macho Profiling"; I would say not very many.  The Marine Corps tattooed love boy types probably weren't learning how to make cookies at grandma's elbow.  My dad was a Marine and he never had a tattoo.  He also couldn't boil water.  But he does love musical theater. And cookies. So, the jury's out on this one.  I thought Mr. Sklenar did a good job of making the character work, given the SDH background he had to work with.  And would it have killed them to give him a shirtless scene?  You know, like slaving over a hot stove type thing?  Methinks Mr. Baldoni had something to do with that. Uhh, huh...
Time for a Brandon Sklenar break (is the "K" silent?)!

Mr. Sklenar seems to enjoy various and sundry states of recline inside cars.  How about a remake of Cronenberg's Crash, starring him?!!?  I know I'd Netflix and Chill it...by myself!

Q/14: Are you ever going to get to Hugh Jackman?
A/14: Yes!  He's up next!
Q/15: What does Mr. Jackman have to do with It Ends With Us?
A/15: Blake Lively is married to his co-star from Deadpool Does Wolverine; Ryan Reynolds.
Q/16: So?
A/16: Yeah, you're right, whoever you are...anyways, I was going to take that movie to task for various and sundry reasons, particularly what I'm dubbing "Gaysploitation" (TM/Reg/Pat-Pend-You know the rest); but I'm tired of talking about this movie and It Ends With Shush!  I will say that I could go a lot more into the deeper problems of that movie's skin-deep treatment of the subject of domestic abuse.  And you better beware the skindeep...

Who is the guy singing lead vocal?  I don't know, but if I'd known he looked like that back in 1984, I would've bought more of their albums!  And he kinda looks like Hugh Jackman.  Hey, if they do a Stranglers bio-flick, maybe Hugh could play him!
Anywhoose:
I want to wrap this up now, so how about we play out on a photo-grid of Hugh Jackman.  We all know what his bod looks like, so how about a more footcentric montage?  Works for me!

Would it kill you Hugh, to wear a Speedo?  You're an Aussie.  Smuggle those budgies!
(Photo-illustrations courtesy Wikifeet. Hugh Jackman feet courtesy Mr. and Mrs. Jackman)

Maybe we could bring Hugh back as Wolverine's identical cousin!  He's from Antartica* (and you can't get more downunder than that).  He has adamantium toenails that he fights with--I love this-- and his name is Wolverfeet!
Oh, wait a second...

In closing...
I was thinking that the Wolvertini cocktail perhaps embodies Mr. Jackman more than it does The Wolverine (a charater he's been essaying now for almost a quarter of a century).  So, I'm renaming it.  It's now called a Jackma-polita-n.  But, we still need a cocktail for the Wolverine himself.  I queried my husband and asked him what he would do, mixologically speaking, that is.  My thinking was a hot-toddy-esque concoction featuring hot cocoa and all kinds of fiery liquers--and Jagermeister, which, let's face it, is only good for getting you F'd up, which Wolvering likes to do; but I was getting a little too busy, trying to work Canada in as a theme as well.  Wolverine is Canadian.  Who knew?  Oh, I guess every Marvel fanboy on the planet.

So, here is Joseph's version of the Wolvertini, which is now just a Wolverine.
​
2 ounces Canadian Mist Whiskey
1 or 2 jiggers of Canadian Maple syrup (and only Canadian, look for the Maple Leaf wherever you buy maple syrup!)
Mix with Canada Dry Ginger Ale
Serve over ice shards in a vintage chromium Hellerware high-ball glass
Garnish with Canadian maple-sugar leaf shaped candy (optional)

And there you have it.
But Chris, what about Blake and Colleen and Justin B. and Mr. Sklenar and Lilly and Ryle and Altas and It Ends With Us?  Didn't you get a little off topic?
Well, yes, I suppose I did.  Oh but it doesn't end with It Ends With Us. Rest assured CoHorts! Any movie that cost 25 million and makes $250 million (so far) is going to have a sequel, which I believe is already penned.  And I read that Verity ('memba the book I couldn't get through?) is in pre-production as we speak.  And you know every one of Ms. Hoover's books is going to be rushed into production now. So watch out Nick Sparks and E.L.J.
And Ain't that the Verity!
I will leave you with an excerpt from that work and you can make up your own mind and perhaps ask yourself: "will this scene be in the movie?"
Contains spoilers, obviously.

Copyright 2018 Colleen Hoover / USED WITHOUT PERMISSION

CFR   8/27/24

*Addendum: Miss Spelling Sez:

TORI
Now Chris, you know better than that.  You know Antarctica has two "C"s...
CHRIS
I thought it looked wrong when I was spelling it.
TORI
It's just "Arctica" with an "ant" at the beginning.  Like "opposite."  You know, 'cuz it's on the opposite side of the earth.
CHRIS
Hey, you're right!  You learn something new every day.  But why didn't they just call it "South Arctica"?
TORI
I don't know...
CHRIS
Is Antarctica a land mass?  Or is it just a big chunk of ice?  Or Arctica, for that matter?
TORI
It's a continent, Chris.
CHRIS
Oh.
TORI 
Might I suggest this?  Here, you can borrow my copy.
CHRIS
Thanks Tori!
TORI
And I want it back.

FIN

Why was this not the summer of say, BLAKEPOOLINE? You know, like Barbieheimer from last year.  As in a mash-up of It Ends With Us and Deadpool & Wolverine?  Everyone's favorite Canuck-American Power Couple have raked in a good billion and a half dollars between them, right? Shouldn't it have been? Oh, is it crass to talk about money?  Well, it seemed all Deadpool could do was talk about money during his latest installment; that is, when he wasn't talking about inter-species-male-on-male-on mutant-man-sex.  But we'll, ah, come to that later.
But first, let's take a look at some of Blake Lively's looks from It Ends With Us, the tale of a simple Maine gal who only wants to bring steam-punk to the floral trade.

I couldn't find a pic of my own personal favorite: a brown leather bustier/tube-top worn under ratty Carhartt coveralls--to dinner at Boston's hippest new noshery, no less.  But alas...
Yes, it was bustier or broke in Beantown when the Bloomster hit the Brahmin brick road, bro-bro!  Her wardrobe went beyond eclectic, taking Boho chic to realms well beyond Bohemia.  To Plethora, Maine, perhaps.  There was certainly a plethora of something going on...
I much preferred Msr. Baldoni's quiet luxury look.  The buttery suedes, the ultra-fine Italian leathers, the never less than 10 ply cashmere sweaters stroking his tawny skin and caressing his muscles in finely spun goat hair.  His Zimmerli boxer briefs, deftly cocooning his pen--
But I digress!

Oh, I should say, that one of my reasons for happily ambling down to my local AMC to see IEWU (...ewwh, you?) was because I recognized my hometown as the setting.  I recall wondering to myself, as I watched the trailer: "Gee, I didn't know this was set in Boston.  Was it set in Boston in the book?  I mean, I know after my visit to Hooverville that Ms. Hoover is from Texas.  Maybe she went to school in Boston?  Maybe she once relocated to Boston for a job?  But, huh, most Texans are not known for leaving their beloved state.  In fact, they're famous for staying there and wanting other people to stay out.  When I think about it, I never met someone from Texas until I lived in Los Angeles. I know that Massachusetts has a pretty agressive Film Board.  Maybe they were approached by Sony Pictures; or they approached Sony Pictures in order to land the production for the Bay State, where it was more than likely not originally set.  Remember that Sony Walkman you got for Christmas in 1981, the one that wasn't really much smaller than a standard issue cassette player?  Oh, but it was in Stereo!  Right!  That was the big selling point.  Remember when Kate "borrowed" it and dropped it on the treadmill at the gym?  I loved that not so little thing!  C''est la vie..."

But it turns out it was originally set in Boston.  And now even that is a bone of contention.

As I watched the film, my levels of plausible believability started creeping into the red.  Let's call it: The Event Horizon of Implausibility (TM/Reg./Pat-Pend); or, if you will The Level of Acceptable Absurdity (TM/Reg./Pat-Pend/All Rights Reserved).  Pure Hollywood Product, which IEWU most certainly is, tends to engender these phenomena without fail.  Roger Ebert had what he called Ebert's Little Movie Glossary.  It was/is a cinema reference guide that cheekily points out a lot of the things that movies simply will not give up.  For example, the grocery bag with the baguette sticking out of it, usually accompanied by a celery stalk.  An excerpt:

IEWU is chock full of these "tropes."  The opening scene in the book, which I think is the opening scene in the movie, has Ms. Lively's character "Lily Blossom Bloom," stradling the low wall of the rooftop deck of a Boston high-rise.  We never get a shot of her POV to the street.  I found the text of the novel on the web and I believe it places her on the twelfth floor.  In the movie it seems to be much, much higher; like at least the twentieth or so.  My problem with the scene was when it was revealed that Lily did not live in this building.  She was not a guest either.  Or attending a party. This building is pretty swank.  Probably has a full time concierge and maybe even a security guard.  And more than likely cameras on the roof.  So how did she get in?  Why did no one come and ask her who she was?  We were barely ten minutes into the movie and already I was distracted by this.  This sort of Hollywood tendency to ignore real life details.  I mean, I get it.  I know movies are fantasy.  I know they are escapism.  But a movie has a certain responsibilty to present life at least somewhat realistically if the story is more about actual life, with "real" people.  Low Concept, if you will.  And this movie has domestic abuse as a major theme running throughout it; something all too real that really should make the movie more careful about grounding itself in reality.  But the longer it went on, the more absurd it got.  Perhaps this would be best broken down in a kind of Q & A segment.  I'll pose a question about an "issue" I had with the narrative; and then I'll do my best to answer it.  Let's go!
Q & A
Q1) What has Lily been doing since she graduated high school?  Why has she drug her feet for at least ten years before making this flower shop thing happen?  Why couldn't she just open a flower shop where she lived; the provocatively named "Plethora, Maine"?
​A1) You may want to read this "bone of contention" article as well.  Boy, people are really piling on here!

​www.pressherald.com/2024/08/19/maine-briefly-hits-the-big-screen-in-it-ends-with-us-dont-get-too-excited/

Did you get past the pay wall?  Well, the upshot of these "bone of contention" articles is that Ms. Hoover, the OP, got her depictions of both Boston and Maine, wrong.  Apparently the filmmakers as well.  For example:
When Lily finally bites the bullit and puts up the money for the rental on her shop, we are assured this vacant space is in "Back Bay."  Although people from the area usually put the "the" in front of it; although not necessarily.  We also get a quick shot of the street, and its street sign, which reads: PARK PLAZA, if memory serves.  Well, there is no thoroughfare in Boston with this name.  There is Park Street; and there is Park Drive; but no Park Plaza.  Although, there is, of course, the Park Plaza hotel; but that's on Arlington Street.  But, doing further research, if you look up the hotel, it's listed as being at 50 Park Plaza; so we can give the benefit of the doubt.  But the movie clearly shows that Lily's shop is surrounded by brownstones, which would place it (as a retail outlet) on probably Charles Street or Newberry* Street.  Newberry Street is pretty much the Rodeo Drive of Boston.  If it's even going to have a vacant space, the rent is going to be astronomical.    Let's check it out; but first, let's have a Judd Nelson break!

Mr. Nelson, Maine native, seen here visiting Plethora Beach, after Hurricane Gloria.

I stand corrected.  Apparently vacant retai space is readily available in the Back Bay; but check out the price!

And that's the third floor.  I can only imagine what street level would be.  In any event, we MUST assume that Lily has scads of cash lying around in order to make her dreams bloom...(see what I did there?).  Perhaps her economic status is examined in the book in more detail; but in the film, we can only extrapolate.  Make assumptions about Lily's economic means. Infer, if you will.  When first we see the house that LIly grew up in, we can see that it's large.  Not, like, Newport mansion large; but big.  However, when we see the inside; the foyer in particular and it's spectacular staircase that seems to wind up to a third or fourth floor we can only say to ourselves, "money."  And more than likely "old money" at that, since this is Maine and her dad was the--what was it--the chief of police of Plethora?  The mayor?  Yeah, that's right...he was the freakin' MAYOR.  We'll get to the further impications of that later; but if he's the mayor, we can also kind of assume he's from an old family that probably is wealthy; thus Lily's seeming endless buckets of money.  And since she's an only child(?) we can also assume that that money stream is trickling down directly to her without any diversions to pesky siblings.  But did she go to college?  Floral school?  Do they have those?  LIly drives back from Boston to attend her father's funeral.  So she's living in Boston.  But she has yet to open her shop.  So, what is she doing in the time being?  When we see her return to the family manse (in an oh-so-Art-Directed vintage Mercedes), she blows off her neurotic Mom and heads upstairs.
Q2)  Why is LIly's bedroom perfectly preserved in the state it had been in, when she was a teenager?
A2)  For the initial answer to this, we must ask the Hollywood Collective.  Why is any grown adult person's bedroom in almost any movie where they return home, still in the EXACT state it was in on the day they graduated high school?  Why, LIly's music box was still positioned in it's original dustprint!

TORI
Chris, you have so thoroughly misspelled the name of that street, it might make me question whether or not you were from Texas.  It's spelled N-E-W-B-U-R-Y; not the way you botched it.
CHRIS
I guess I was distracted by Judd Nelson's thirst-trap pic...
TORI
You're the one who's thirsty.
CHRIS
His character's last name in St. Elmo's Fire was "Newbary." N-E-W-B-A-R-Y"; although I have seen it spelled several ways and it's not actually in the closing credits. However, in my defense, I did not spend a lot of time on that street back in the day.  Couldn't afford it, so why  torture myself?
TORI
I dont' understand--
CHRIS
Well, why would you?  You lived in a house with twenty-seven bathrooms.  Did you have a favorite?  Or did you like, rotate?
TORI
I'm not answering that.
CHRIS
Your dad was from Texas, wasn't he?
TORI
Yes he was.
CHRIS
My in-laws lived in the Austin area for a bit.  I kinda liked it.
TORI
Keep Austin Weird!
CHRIS
I'll try.  Say, what are you reading there?  My book?!!?
TORI
No...
CHRIS
I can't quite make it out.  I see flowers...is it a Colleen Hoover joint?
TORI
No.  It's called Beautiful Messy Love by Australian author Tess Woods.
CHRIS
My sister Kate and her family live in Australia.
TORI
Really? Have you been?
CHRIS
No, I'm sad to say.  I'm not keen on being on several planes for that long.  So, have you read my book?
TORI
No.  What's it about?
CHRIS
The adventures of a 17 year-old gay kid named Michael during the summer of 1983.
TORI
Is it sad?  Or funny?
CHRIS
Both, I think.  Like life.  You know, you could play the mom.  You're at the perfect age--I mean, if it ever gets made into a movie or TV show.  Can you do a Massachusetts accent?
TORI
Are you freakin' kiddin' me?  That accent's not haahd; I could play that pahht wicked easy!
CHRIS
Pretty good!  You know, when I was writing it, I kept imaginging Shannen Doherty as the mom.  Doherty was my mother's maiden name.
TORI
She will be missed. So, show me a script.
CHRIS
I'm working on it.  Okay, I gotta get back to this Blake Lively movie. Ciao.

Q/A2 Continued:
So, Lily has been gone from Plethora and her old downeastah home for a good ten, fifteen years; based on this bedroom's current state.  And we can only assume that she lives in Boston, since her bedroom has gone untouched, like King Tut's tomb.  So what's she been doing in Boston for all that time?  I mean, sure, four of it were probably in college; but then, after college she spent a good decade before she opened the flower shop; that is, if we do some math, based on the dates on her dad's gravestone and some assumptions about when she was born, relative to this. Her dad was born in 1959 and died in 2019.  If he got married at say, 25, then it would be 1985.  Let's assume Lily was born within a couple of years; let's say, 1988.  So, LIly would be 20 years old in 2008; putting her thereabouts in her first year of college.  Add four years and it's 2012.  He dies seven years later and Lily still hasn't opened her shop, because she opens it right when she meets Ryle, which is immediately after Pop's funeral.  Oh, yeah...did I mention the leading man's (also director) name is "Ryle"?  Well, it is.  Ryle Kincaid.  Back to that later.  And we've established that Lily does not live in Ryle's building.  So, where does she live?  What does she do for a living?  Have her parents been supporting her?  The movie does not address this, as we see Lily living with Ryle for most of the rest of the film--in his ultra luxurious apartment, natch, which is right next door to his sister and brother-in-laws ne plus ultra luxurious apartment.  An apartment that when we see it (it's the penthouse of course), appears to take up the entire top three floors of the building as it soars to the sky.  How is there even a rooftop deck for Lily to ruminate on?
Q/3
Why is Lily named "Lily Blossom Bloom"? and why is Ryle named "Ryle" Kincaid?  And who names a child "Atlas"?
A/3
I can only hazard a guess.  Hollywood is prone to names that straddle the Limit of Acceptable Absurdity.  Soap operas have for years indluged in ridonculous names. Billy Clyde Tuggle comes to mind.  Dorian Lord. Palmer Courtland.  In the scene in the movie where Lily and Ryle are discussing their ludicrous names with one another, and admitting as much and laughing about it; why was not the punchline that his middle name was "Reuben"?  And if I have to explain this, maybe I am too old to be relevant.

Okay, Colleen Hoover (who I'm pleased to see is a Sagittarius!) was born five years after The Partridge Family went off the air, so she probably has no idea who Reuben Kincaid is.  And I think that makes it time for a Partridge Family break!  I really LOVED this show when I was a kid.  I even had the luchbox.  Those things sell for hundreds of dollars now.

Q/4: Who is Atlas and why did LIly not know who he was, if he in fact attended her high school.  Wouldn't she have known everyone around her age in a small town like Plethora?
A/4:  Atlas was Lily's "boyfriend" when they were teens.  So why didn't she know who he was?  Perhaps if he was new to town, she wouldn't have known him.  But there is no indication in the script that he's from somewhere other than Plethora.  Everyone would not only have known who he was; but more than likely what was happening in his life.  And if he was from somewhere else, how was he able to just climb on the school bus and go to Plethora High?  SHIT LIKE THAT DOES NOT HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE.  He would have to register for classes, establish residency and all that stuff.
Q/5: Why is there an abandoned "mansion" in what has to be the swankiest neighborhood in Plethora, as her dad is the mayor and one might reasonably expect that he would live in  the nicest part of town?

A/5: There is an abandoned mansion because there needs to be in order for this plot to work.  Although, actually, it didn't need to be.  The likelihood that Lily, daughter of the mayor of Plethora, would have an abandoned mansion within view of her house would be next to nil.  And if there was, it would probably have been an inconvenient hike for Atlas to make, seeing as he was from the wrong side of the tracks.  An abandoned train depot would've made more sense.  Or, if it needed to be Lily adjacent, perhaps a disused barn?  Or a blueberry storage bin?  Potato silo? Old lobster boat?  Lobster trap?
Q/6: Why would the Plethora High Mean Girls have attitude and be "grossed out" by this guy:

A/6: They wouldn't.
Q/7: Does anything about the character of Atlas make sense?  His back story?  Why haven't Child Protective Services become involved.  Why does his school not know about his circumstances? Does he live in an unheated, abandoned mansion for the entire school year, including the long, extremely cold Maine winter?  Does he have NO OTHER friends or acquaintances at school?  How does he bathe?  Does the abandoned mansion have running water or does Lily sneak him in to her mansion (what we can only hope) is at least once a week to wash his underwear?  Is Atlas a little on the odiferous side?  Is that what the mean girls are grossed out by?  Because if that's what has their noses in the air, that could be a social deal breaker.
A/7: None of it is remotely believable.  SDH (shit doesn't happen).  If Atlas was being abused to the point where he had to squat in an abandoned mansion, why the fuck would he stay in Maine?  He would go squat in Florida, probably. In other words, he would run away.
Q/8: Did I miss something; or did Lily's father--THE MAYOR OF PLETHORA--beat up a teen-ager so severly he was taken away in an ambulance?  No, that definitely happened.  In a "brief flashback" anyway.  Would this event not have had massive ramifications for the town; that the MAYOR beat up a homeless kid?  That Atlas' family would be charged with some kind of neglect?
A/8: This explanation from ScreenRant makes even less sense.  She never sees him again?  She didn't go to see him at Plethora General?  Send a get well card?  Ah, have to file an eyewitness report down at the Plethora Police Department?  SDH.

Q/9: Did anyone else watching the movie think: "Hmmm, I guess it looks pretty; but am I supposed to think Blake's character is a natural redhead?  Because, I don't know about you, but I wasn't convinced for a second.  Or was it (since she was Boho/Steampunk/Goth (Bosteamgo? Yes! TM/Pat-Pend/Reg.) that she liked to color/experiment with her hair, like, a lot; because it seemed to change shades from one scene to the next.  Like, at her dad's funeral it was maybe a sort of, Garnier Nutriesse "Rojo Rust" or at dinner at Root restaurant, it was more of a Sherman Williams "Cherry Cola" and when she was cutting the ribbon on her flower boutique kind of a, oh, I don't know, Behr "Strawberry Shake"?  And didn't it start to bug you when her hair fell around her face for the nth time.  Like, sure, she loves that free, fresh, koo-koo wind in her hair; but enough already Lily.  For godsakes, get a Scrunchie girl.  Have you never heard of barrettes?   There's a Walgreen's on the corner of Newberry and Park Place.  We'll wait.  Oh, wait a second!  Tina Fey, what do you want?  What--wait--

Get outta my blog Tina Fey!  And where did you get that dress?  You stole that from LIly, didn't you!

Miss Spelling Sez:
Ah, Chris, I think we know who's really the thirsty one now!
CHRIS
I know, right?  Like, get a room Tina!

Q/10: Okay, fine.  Neurosurgeon.  You want your character to be a neurosurgeon?  Great!  Make him a neurosurgeon.  Most neurosurgeons are probably pretty wealthy.  But top floor of brand new Boston highrise wealthy?  Could probably swing it.  But male model-body-builder-early 30's Fab-U-Hunk? Lily may has well have won Megamillions.  Here are some Boston area neurosurgeons:

I mean, come on...this isn't brain surgery.  Oh, wait.  It is.
And please see: IEWU Part 3: What Would Hugh Do?
Ciao!

CFR   8/25/24

I'm sorry; but I can't NOT write about this.  Generally, I wouldn't; that is to say, jump on the bandwagon of negativity that is currently swirling around the movie It Ends With Us.  But really, is this not part and parcel of it?  Was it Neely O'Hara who said: "They say even bad publicity is good publicity; and boy am I getting the bad publicity!"  Are the little PR machines out there not churning dross into even more gold for this movie and everyone involved?  It's made, as of this writing, some 100 million against a 25 million dollar budget.  That's whatcha call and InstaHit! (TM/Reg./Pat-Pend).
No, the reason I'm writing this is because I actually sought out the work of Ms. Colleen Hoover earlier this year.  Why? Well, because she sort of flew directly into my radar like one of the Wallendas. I'm a writer you see.  I've written two novels thus far.  One self-published, like Ms. Hoover's first; although I did not know this.  Let me back up to the beginning and tell you the story...
It starts with this:

Well, actually it doesn't start with this.  It didn't start with an Instagram post; but here is Ms. Hoover displaying a display of one her novels that was in the window of Barnes and Noble.  I'm thinking these giant "books" were made for the chain to tout her mega-selling tomes.  In any event, they were also in the window of my local Barnes and Noble (Nobel?).  Like, for a long time.  They may still be there.  They were there so long, I stopped noticing them; not that I really had noticed them to the point I was interested in her work. It just didn't speak to me.  Or "market" to me.  Not to judge; but the covers (like most recent book covers) were so generic, it was impossible to make any kind of...read...on them.  That being said...
One fine day, after my 300th rejection from a literary agent, I thought: "Hmmm, Chris.  What are we doing wrong?"  (I often use the Royal "We"; as I'm a Biq Queen when I'm in the mood.  I'm also a Big King when I'm in the mood; but that's a blog for another day.  Or night, wink-wink).  Then I thought: "Maybe you should sachet down to the local book store chain and see what's on the best-seller list, buy one, read it and see what they're doing that you're not doing and what the Reading Public is buying and reading and I suppose, loving?"  So, I ambled down to the Barnes and Nobell at the Valley View Mall and my eyes fell on the Colleen Hoover display, which was still in the window.  "Hmmmm," I said to myself, "How about her?  The New York Times assures me she's a best-selling authoress of 8 million copies that listed her for 140 weels.  She must be doing something right..."
So, I went in and looked at her books.  On the first perusal I thought: "Oh, okay...well, maybe I'll just check and see if her stuff is at the library..."  I felt the $16.99 would be better spent on printer ink.  The next day I went to the Vinton Library and checked out Verity.

With Verity firmly ensconced on my night-table, I looked forward to reading it.  Judging the book by it's cover, I assumed I was cracking open a horror story.  I was right, kind of.
The book opens with a woman on her way to a job interview in New York City.  Somehow, she's in close enough vicinity to get spattered in blood when a man gets hit by a bus.  Well, more like his head run over.  And she still goes to her interview!  Well, that is, after she meets this guy who gives her his shirt in the bathroom of a donut shop or something.  It's the least cute, meet-cute you'd ever wanna read.  And then, of course, he's there when she goes to her interview.  It was here that I put the book down and DNF, as they say over at Goodreads.  Why did I DNF?  Ah, I'm not here to trounce Ms. Hoover or even review her work; but I will say her prose (what little I read of it) I found to be on a par with the venerable E.L. James, authoress of the 50 Shades series.  I will say her work does not make my inner goddess dance and leave it at that.  Over at Goodreads, Verity has a 4.3 star rating.  Goodreads member Ana Lopes Miura said in her 1 star review of Verity that it should've been titled, Horny Headboard Biter.  Giving equal time to 5 star reviewer of Verity, Lisa of Troy, she proclaims: "I will never look at Steak and Shake the same way!"  I'm not sure what that means; but I think it's a rave.

Being rather stunned at my reaction to Verity, I did a little research into Ms. Hoover and quickly fell down that rabbit hole.  And it's a pretty deep one that seems to keep getting deeper.  And I'm not going to get into all of that either.

In any event, seeing the writing on the wall (so to speak); that is, assuming someone who sold that many books would have one made into a movie--I was not surprised when I saw the first trailer for It Ends With Us about a month ago.  I was surprise but I wasn't.  Surprised at how quickly I was seeing this book to film event and then not being surprised, realizing that for me, the movie was coming out on the very heels of my having "discovered", shall we call it: Hooverville.  I was a bit surprised that the movie was coming out, learning what I had about the Hooverville controversies; and knowing what I did about the quality of writing in Hooverville.  I perked up seeing that the movie was going to star Blake Lively, an actress I discovered kind of late in the game but had come to very much like in recent years.  To me, she possessed a certain Old Hollywood Glamour.  Her fashion choices, of course.  Some critic said she was the most costumed actress since Kay Francis, a reference I didn't immediately get; but inferred that he meant Ms. Lively was perhaps more concerned with her outfits than her role choices.  This had become rather apparent to me when I saw A Simple Favor.  I thought a white tuxedo was a bit beyond the pale for a day look for a suburban housewife.

Lively's style.  Her bearing.  Her carriage.  It was all so very, very.  The deliberate diction.  The untouchable quality; or at least unapproachable.  The unobtainability factor that so many Old School Hollywood actresses had or tried to have.  Katherine Hepburn, for example.  But there is a down side to that veneer.  What was the line from The Women? "There's a name for you ladies; and it isn't used in high society outside of a kennel."  Yep.  This seems to be coming to bite little Blake on the butt.  She first registered on my radar with The Age of Adaline, a movie my husband dragged me to see.  It was a total throwback.  Could've been a Bette Davis movie.  It happened to be a Lakeshore Entertainment joint; a company I worked for in the 90's and one whose output my spouse always seemed to choose.  Oh, you remember this, I'm sure:

I think one of the better of those "coming on" logos, which now glut the screen at the multiplex.  I remember when they were confabbing about this concept.  Good times!
But back to Blake.

I could not, not care less, nay care more about the private world of Mr. and Mrs. Reynolds.  But, apparently a lot of people could.  Certainly US Magazine.  They sure do make some rush to judgments about celebrity relationships over at that mag.  They're constantly declaring LOVE amongst the stars before the Stars have even used the word themselves.  "How Leo Won Blake's Heart!" they proclaimed in 2011.  Apparently he didn't win it for long.  Does anyone even remember that they dated?  And does the "US" in  "Us Magazine" stand for The United States; or does it refer to the collective.  Like all of us.  Us humans.  Because in that case, they should've called the magazine Them because most of us don't have "private worlds" or Leo DiCaprio attempting to win our hearts.
So now, all this stuff about Ms. Lively is surfacing in a backlashish attempt to label her a "mean girl."  Tina Fey, are you listening?  "Mean Girl" is just a new way to say the kennel line from The Women.  If Blake Lively is emulating people like Ava Gardner and Lana Turner and other cool blondes from back in the day, then she really can't not have a certain "bitchy" quality.  Femme Fatales don't get fatale by being sweet and nice.  I think it's hilarious that people expect these pampered, entitled princesses to be Ovaltine swiging, Khol's shopping, let's hang out with the little people kind of people.  And of course if you're gorgeous, blonde and have nice boobs it makes it all the less likely.  
Lively is being criticized for not taking domestic abuse seriously enough.  But really, did Ms. Hoover take it seriously enough?  Did her readers take it seriously enough?  Did the filmmakers take it seriously enough--this source material that wants to have its' cake and eat it too.  Or it's crushed flowers and flower shop too?

And yes, I've seen it.  Oh boy have I seen it.
​I guess that's the end of our 15 minute read.  Do I have more to say about any of this?  Actually, I do, so please see: It Trends With Us Part 2 for the next installment.
Ciao!
Chris

CFR   8/18/24

The plot thickens...
I found this image of the Karla's/Denise's building on the cover of the Hashimoto Art Gallery 2017 Annual. I have to do some more research; but that's definitely the building. The Hashimoto Gallery has locations in New York City (natch), San Francisco and Los Angeles.  So another Haute Art connection.  The plot thickens!

It made the cover, no less.  I'll do a little research and see if I can't find out more information.  I feel like Nancy Drew!

But let's go back to Italian menswear, shall we?
Here's another brand that's a bit too pricey for my purview; but the brand that would be my "go to" if I had my druthers: ARMANI

Comfort food?  Try comfort clothes!  These togs are everything that Prada isn't (although the price-point is about the same, perhaps Armani a bit more realistico).  Can't you just feel the buttery drape?  The (un)structured roominess?  The luxe drappeggio?
Now, of course, Armani was famous for the 80's, Reagan era "Power Suit."  The Power Suit was the Big 80's go-to garmenting.  Yuppies (look it up whipper-snappers) and those Octogenarian Entrepreneurs who wanted to look like they'd just scaled the cliffs of "Business" Olympus.  Business was Big in the 80's, especially Big Business.  Everyone was seemingly in Business and made it their business to make it everyone's business.  The Armani suit with it's powerful lines and linebacker like padding (shoulder pads were HUGE in the 80's, for men and women; and lasted for most of the decade's entirety) and majorly padded price tag (hey, you were nobody if you couldn't drop several grand for a suit--both men and women (women were totally into suits in the 80's).  But was the Armani suit as boxy and business armor like as we remember?  Let's take a look:

I'm gonna have to go with "no."  Despite the pronounced shoulders (and here they are done amazingly well); I would say the classic Armani suit is decidedly roomy.  By the late 80's, Armani was "softening" his look, removing even more of the structure, I would say to the point of near casualness:

Armani did make suits that were a bit more fitted; but I chalk that up to the double-breasted tailoring.  Personally, not a fan of the double-breast for men.  A wee bit too Al Capone for this boy.
Now a brand that I can afford, that started in earnest around the same time as Armani, is Calvin Klein.  Now, I would argue that early on, Klein and Armani were doing nearly the same thing, except on different continents.  And it seems to me there was a lot of cross pollination.  Particularly Klein's designs for men from the late 70's through the early 80's.  A lot of similarities.  As a matter of fact, I sort of collect Klein from this period.  He did a mens sweater collection in the early 80's that must've featured a good fifty or more designs.  This one, frinstance:

Here's an early Klein look that is very Armani or vice-versa:

So, when I sell that million dollar screenplay, I'm off to Milan and a private fitting with Armani, for my very own suit.  They actually offer this service on their website.  Armani himself probably isn't going to be coming at you with the tape measure, but how old school is that?  Not that I would want a custom Armani suit, really.  I mean, I don't wear suits.  It would just go to waste in my closet.  And you know, weight fluctuates; ain't nobody got time for that!  But some of those drapey, loose fitting jackets with a lot  of breathing room?  Oh yeah!  I've come across several articles lately about the "relevance" of Armani.  Was he too 80's?  Is the power suit dated?  I would argue that with Armani, the answer is no.  You could throw on a circa 1980 ensemble of his and still look fabulous.  Even more so in his early 90's stuff.  I recently acquired an Armani suit jacket from sources I must keep hush-hush; and even though it's not quite the right size...gah-dang it looks good!  I'll put it on and take some pics of it on the Kroger cam and post them later. So back to Prada Saugus; and Prada in general.
Apparently it's official that The Devil Wears Prada is getting a sequel.  I'm there, unless Meryl is not on board.  There's no point in doing it without her.

But what is this sequel going to entail?  I mean, there was a sequel book.  I've never read either book...but of course I have ideas for this project!

SEQEUL IDEAS!
So, any sequel to TDWP is going to concern, I would think, rivalries between the three female leads of the fist movie.  Like, Miranda is still the reigning Queen of Vogue--err--Runway Magazine.  Meanwhile, Andrea is the Chief Editor of her own magazine, Elan.  Emily Blunt is now a super successful clothing designer.  Andrea and Miranda are both battling to get her on the pages of their magazines; but she has an axe to grind with both of them (remember when she got that Paris trip pulled out from under her?).  Meanwhile, Stanley Tucci is still slaving away for Miranda, who is punishing him for forgetting his place.  She makes him do menial tasks like give her pedicures, shine her shoes and scrape the barnacles off her yacht.  One day she sends him to Balenciaga to pick up a  gross of opera gloves and as he's dashing back to the office, he gets hit by a rickshaw and knocked unconscious.  When he awakens, he's extremely butch and no longer gay.  Andrea and Emily (who are still his buddies) work together to make him gay again.  How?  By taking him to a "Gay Camp" in the Catskills, which is housed in an old Borscht Belt resort.  The program is called: "Pray the Gay to Stay!"  But is not being gay so wrong?  After having his way with Miranda on her desk, he leaves to start his own magazine, a fashion glossy for butch, straight dudes; which, when you think about it, is still kind of gay.  It's called, Virilite (with an accent on the "e").  The movie climaxes at Fashion Week in Billings, Montana, which Stanley orchestrates and is a wild success.  The ladies from Manhattan decide to open a high fashion dude ranch and work for Stanley, who is thrown from a bucking bronco and hits his head again.  This time, when he wakes up, he's bi-curious.  
Or...
When the mysterious PRADA/SAUGUS sign appers on the Karla's shoe building in Saugus, Mass, Miranda sends Andrea, who is now her features editor, to check it out and write an article about it.  As Andrea is snooping around, she goes inside the building and finds a second sign: ABANDON ALL HOPE, YE WHO PURCHASE HERE.  Andrea realizes that Miranda literally is the Devil and that the Saugus Prada boutique is a portal to Hell itself!  When Miranda finds out that Andrea is on to her, she banishes Emily and Stanley to Hell via the portal, by luring them in with promises of raises and a Prada sample sale.  Andrea enlists Simon Denny to journey to Hell with her, find her damned friends and take on Miranda in a hellacious battle royale in the circles of Hell.  Who will win?  Andrea and her pals or the Evil Miranda, Mistress of Fire and Brimstone?  And more importantly, WHO WILL THEY WEAR???
Or...
Stanley Tucci's soul gets trapped inside the Prada Saugus boutique while he's doing some urban spelunking on his way to Ogunquit. It's up to the ladies from Runway magazine to save him!  Inside, they find a paralell universe...or better yet, the MCU Multiverse; since Disney now owns TDWP IP; as it was a Fox joint and now Fox is a Dizzney joint.  All the more money to be made!  The ladies (and Stanley) of Runway magazine are sucked into an event horizon and find themselves battling Darth Vader and whatever it is they call the bad guys in that Universe, alongside the X-Avengers to save the Universe and the MCU and the...whatever...but first, they need to give the X-vengers a fashion makeover, affording the production an intergalactic fashion show, a la The Fashions of 1934, a property nobody remembers that Dizzney could just steal from Warner Bros.!

As Bette Davis was in that, how about when Meryl gets sucked into the black hole, she transmogrifies into Bette Davis, affording her the opportunity to do what could only be a killer impersonation and a GUARANTEED OSCAR (TM/REG./PAT-PEND) nom!??!

Stanley Tucci, seen here in a scene from The Devil Wears Prada 2: Black Hole Souls

TDWP2 - ANCILLARY MONETIZATION -$$$

There must be a Prada tie-in, natch, with a spashy campaign featuring Meryl, Anne, Emily, Stanley and Simon.  Oh, and is Adrian Grenier going to be in this?  Maybe he's now Stanley's character's lover.  Works for me!  They will be featured in the pages of Vogue, with Anna Wintour's full endorsement and announcement that she condemns ALL FUR, even FAKE FUR.  Even FELT!  The cast of the movie will sport Prada's new line of sustainable garments, made from 100% recycled Cinzano umbrellas and Campari ashtrays.

And so on...
Finally, if none of these ideas fly with the production team, how about at least the premiere at Prada Marfa?  I mean, there's lots of parking!

And if not there, how about Prada Saugus?  I mean, before it's reclaimed by the earth.  Works for me!

Ciao bambinos!


​CFR   8/11/24

I was a month ago old (blah, blah) when I learned about Prada Marfa.  What's Prada Marfa, Chris, you ask?  Well, I'll tell you.  Prada Marfa was/is a permanent ART installation in the Texas desert, somewhere on the outskirts of Valentine, which is in the far west of the state, nowhere near any of the major Texas cities.  It was created in 2005 by two artists...oh, here's the thumbnail:

I haven't really delved into the story of this artwork.  Is it supposed to be some kind of comment on the emptiness of consumerism?  Is it a freestanding-free publicity 3-D billboard for the brand?  Is it both?  I don't know.  I like the idea of allowing it to deteriorate naturally; but I can't believe that it hasn't been vandalized or robbed by now; or the signage torn off.  I also can't believe that it's not being "curated" in some way.  It looks to be in amazing shape after 20 years.  And that brings us to Karla's Shoes.  What's Karla's Shoes, Chris, you may ask?  Well, I'll tell you.
Karla's Shoes was a shoe store, natch, that sat on Route 1 in Saugus, Massachusetts for many years; from perhaps the late 70's to the early 90's or later.  It was housed in an actual house.  A house that had somehow managed to be not torn down when they put the major artery through the town.  There was also a salon there, called Denise's.  Here is a picture of the structure after it had closed but before it really started to deteriorate:

Karla's/Denise's sat in a very strange spot in Saugus.  It was sort of situated smack in the middle of an ON/OFF ramp with difficult access to parking.  It was like, unless it was your destination, you weren't going to pop in for a spontaneous perusal because you already would've passed it.  Now, I love shoes, and I lived in Saugus, grew up there, in fact.  But I have never set foot inside the building.  I distinctly got the vibe that it was a woman's shoe store, so I never made the effort.  In fact, I never knew anybody who had ever been there; either at the shoe store or the beauty salon.
So, let's fast forward, thirty, forty years.  The building still stands and it has even further deteriorated; but what's this?  What's this mysterious signage that has appeared on the building recently?  This signage that looks startlingly familiar?

Curiouser and curiouser!

Nobody in Saugus seems to know how this sign got there.  A prank?  I don't know.  That's a pretty precision prank. The work of sophisticates, clearly.  The logo is perfect.  The fonts are perfect.  The placement of the sign seems to be uncannily geometric; as though precise measurements were taken before it was hung.  The distance of the sign from the edge of each window looks as though a metric ruler was used.  Certainly, this could not be the home of a future Prada boutique, could it?  Well, the demographics of the area have changed since Karla's shoes went into business.  People who can ostensibly afford Prada now live in the area.  And what of the Prada aesthetic?

Have vampires arrived in Saugus?!!?

Clearly, in 2012ish, Prada was going for a vampire look.  I mean even without Gary Oldman and always vampire adjacent Willem Dafoe, the Dracula thing is on full display here, right down to the coat piercing dagger(!) pins on the garments.  What's that all about?  Well, I'll tell you one thing Prada isn't about, at least for men, is comfort.  Everything is fitted for pipe-cleaner built gents.  And that looks great and all in an ad; but try wearing it.  And it has a shelf life for about 6 months.  Remember a couple of years ago when everyone was pushing those super slim suits?  The ones that were so fitted it didn't appear that you could bend your legs and arms very far?

That suit from a mid-level designer label is going to set you back about three grand.  I'm sorry, that guy is skinny; but he still looks terrible.  Does he not look like he ran his suit through a washer and dryer and it shrunk?  Or that he's trying to squeeze himself into something from the boys department?  Prada insists on this look for men and they hire big Stars to do the ads.  But I would argue that even these brilliant actors can't pull off reasonable facsimiles of comfort.  Here's Christoph Waltz looking like he just received an Austro-Atomic Wedgie:

Or how about Harvey Keitel looking like he'd like to be wearing anything other than what he has on:

Wait...didn't he play a vampire once?

Now, don't get me wrong.  I think Prada is a great brand.  I can't afford it; but I think it's great.  Italian menswear is kind of like Italian Pizza--or any pizza--even when it's not so good, it's still pretty good.  If I had that kind of lucre to throw around and I was to buy Prada, I'm sure I would get some basic pieces.  Classics that I would have and could wear anytime for as long as I continue to be around.  LIke, this 'frinstance:

And only 10,000.00 dollars!  This one also caught my eye:

Cuppla probs with this one though.  Even though it's a bargain at only $7,600.00 it contains angora.  I've always liked fur.  It is undeniably luxurious.  Fuzzy, fluffy, hairy garments have always intrigued me.  I went through a period where I was wearing a lot of mohair and alpaca and so on.  Some of my old coats had/have fur collars.  I started seeking out angora because I assumed it was a cruelty free fur.  It is not.  And although Prada claims they no longer use fur in the creation of their garments, this angora blend is currently on their webpage.  Angora rabbits are not killed for their fur; but it is taken from them often violently and with no regard to their suffering.  I gave my angora Kangol caps to Goodwill when I learned of this.

In perusing their website, I found this spectacular coat:

Now, they're calling this a "leather" coat; yes, the leather, technically of a lamb. But it's "broadtail" lamb and I would argue that this is a true fur coat.  But doesn't Prada claim they don't use "fur"?  And you don't even want to know how they obtain "broadtail" fur.  It's beyond disturbing.  And yet, here it is.  And so affordable!

Methinks PRADA is literally trying to pull the wool over my eyes.  You know, we eat animals.  Cows, deer, lamb.  If we're going to do that; kill the animal for it's meat, then use every part of the animal.  Vintage fur, I feel is okay.  Respect the animal's sacrifice and take care of the garment until it disintegrates.  But in 2024, we should not be producing brand new broadtail coats.  No one is eating the lambs that went to make this garment.  So Prada, either just make fur garments or don't.  Don't try and trick people.
Here are some other Prada items I would buy, if say, someone gave me a loaded Prada gift card:

Now, yes, I will admit that if I'm going to pay $1,350.00 for a short sleeve shirt-jac, I'm going to make damn sure it's branded with the Prada logo, to let people know just that.  Not that I'm a status seeker/reeker.  But in this case, I would be. I mean not everything.  Like that camel cashmere cardigan.  That is noice!  Let's find out what they want for it...
A mere $4,800.00.
​The Prada logo is cool, but it's a bit heavy on the text. I mean, the name and the town and the founding date and the inverted pyramid?  And the coat of arms?  Pick two Prada!

And I'm sorry; but please STOP Prada.  Please all of you stop.  You are not going to get men to carry ladies handbags and short handled purses.  It's not going to happen.  It doesn't and will never look right.  Satchels, messenger bags, cross body bags, duffels; even fanny packs.  Fine.  But dainty handbags and shoulder bags.  No.  Stop trying to make Man-Clutch happen.

But we stray of course...
So let's get back to "Prada Saugus" in Part 2 of this blog: PRADA SAUGUS: Part 2

​CFR   8/6/24

Sage advice from the Juddster.  I've recently become so reenamormed of Mr. Nelson via a clip I watched of him singing the praises of his home State 'O Maine; I am writing a part specifically for him.  And no, he will not be playing the dad from "Girl In the Basement" Part 2 or anything like that in this.  Seriously!  Why does he keep doing parts like that?  Even on Suddenly Susan he couldn't just be nice.  Had to add that "douchey" vibe.  Why Judd?  Why?  I fear it's the Method.  The Method has done more to misdirect actors than any other phenomenon.  Face it.  You're a cuddly, sweet, nice guy. And I daresay you are poised to be the new Judd Hirsch.  Talk about full circle!  
So, anyways, in our story, which is a Hallmark joint, our leading lady has to have several things in her story, not least of which is an "older" couple or father/mother figure from whom she seeks sage advice and cups of cozy hot cocoa and warm, sugar-dusted Christmas cookies.  Now, as Judd is really not quite at the "adult" Ed Asner stage of his career, he is certainly old enough to have sired a twenty-something daughter; so that is just what he'll be doing here.  But he'll also be serving triple-plus duty as town sheriff, Holiday-themed-Inn proprietor and local rabbi/prison chaplin.

Welcome aboard Judd!

INT. CAR -DAY
The CAMERA PANS around the cabin. We see the Great American Vastness whizzing by outside along the freeway. Honoria is working in the back seat.  Jurgin is in the front passenger seat, reading Judith Krantz's Scruples.  His eyebrows shoot up and he turns a page.
JURGIN
This is filthy!
HONORIA
Is it?
JURGIN
Yes!  I've never seen the "C" word thrown about with such abandon before.
HONORIA
"Classy"?
JURGIN
Classy this ain't!  Listen to this: "Billy, spotting him with Valentine at the same instant, found that she still thought with her--" (He is interrupted by the car).
D.A.B
I hope that you're enjoying our bedtime journey.  We've just crossed the Vermont state line.  And here's a little magic, going out to Honoria...it's...Chris Rea...with..."Driving Home for Christmas..."
The SONG starts.
JURGIN
It's March, David-Alan.
D.A.B.
Can I take another request?
HONORIA
No, this is fine.  But could you turn it down a little?
The MUSIC lowers.
HONORIA
It's weird how fast you get used to there being no driver.
JURGIN
Speak for yourself!  I've had one eye glued to that speedometer since we got in!
SMASH CUT TO:
INT. CAR -DAY
Jurgin's book falls from his hand as he SNORTS in his sleep.  Honoria, curled up on the back seat, is SNORING too.
The novel has fallen open, face up on the driver's side seat.
D.A.B.
Initiating interface.
A RED ELECTRONIC EYE on the dashboard lights up and a laser scanner sweeps over the upturned pages of the book.
D.A.B.
Now this is some bedtime reading...
CLOSE-UP on the engine light as the temperature gauge starts into the red.  PAN to the speedometet as it begins to creep past 65...70...75...80...
The passengers continue to sleep.
CUT TO:
EXT. COUNTRY ROAD  -DAY
We see a police cruiser marked "Winooski Falls."  It is parked halfway behind a raod sign that reads: "Welcome to Winooski Falls, Home of The World Famous Maple Balls!"
CUT TO:
INT. POLICE CAR -DAY
Sitting behind the wheel, reading the Winooski Weekly newspaper is JUDD NELSON.  Judd will be playing ASHER "ASH" KRUMHOLTZ, 60's.  Ash is a laid back type of guy, who wears many hats.  CHIEF OF POLICE, MAYOR OF WINOOSKI FALLS, INN PROPRIETOR.  He looks exactly like JUDD NELSON, because Mr. Nelson will be playing him.  He glances in his rearview mirror where he sees the red Tesos tearing down the road.  It passes him at some 80 miles an hours, steam coming from the hood and trailing behind it.  Ash hits his SIREN and lights.
ASH
Lucy, you've got some 'splainin' to do...
The cruiser pulls out into the road and the chase is on!